…20/20 Vision

… Ah, to have perfect vision for this New Year.

… I stayed awake on New Year’s eve quite late. I didn’t fall asleep until 8:45 p.m. Pacific Coast Standard Time.

… I announced in the kitchen this morning, while cooking oatmeal – I think my friends in the UK call it porridge- that I had made a New Year’s resolution. “And, what might that be?” I was asked. I said, “Not to be an asshole.” Immediately it became a conversation about the details of the resolution. I was asked, “Who will decide if you’re being an asshole?” I replied, “I will be the judge of that and whenever I hold my index finger straight up, it will be an indicator that I am at that very moment deciding not to be an asshole.” I continued, “And, if I hold up only my middle finger, than I am being an asshole.” I said all this holding up my index finger which for some odd reason made feel quite in control and a bit saintly.

… Did you see that video of Pope Francis getting upset with the lady who didn’t want to let go of him? For the rest of her life she is going to think, “I pissed off the pope.” I once pissed off my baseball hero, Willie Mays, but I think she wins that contest. Kind of feel bad for her though. I mean like someone would have to get the Dalai Lama to call them an “asshole” in order to get her out of the #1 – ‘Oh, I wish I hadn’t done that’ – chart position. “It won’t be me,” I say with my index finger pointing upward.

Happy New Year! I hope this is a wonderful year for you and yours.