Speak Up Sonny

My hearing is not good. I have sat through entire movies unable to hear any dialogue and trying to piece the story together – for years.

Most of my hearing loss is in the higher frequencies and include the S and other comparable sounds. I sort of quit teaching a class because I couldn’t hear the students’ questions any longer. I am told that I keep the television volume up really loud at home. And, there are certain people, like the recent cable tv guy, who just mumble when they talk and that conversation goes something like this: “The shitshy shine should she shine slower should shield show surely.” My response is always the same, “Huh?”

God help me when I order food at a drive thru with those shitty shiny cheap speakers. I often do not get what I thought I was going to get. The other day I asked for a small order of French fries and a small Diet Coke. At the window I received a small hamburger with mustard only. She said, “ I repeated the order back to you.”

Now that everyone is wearing a mask over their mouth, I no longer can read lips either and reading their eyes is just not that accurate.

Today on the final leg of a short three day road trip, I wanted to stop in at a little outdoor store I like in the town of Mount Shasta. My belly was feeling a little funny like maybe something gassy was a goin’ on but I ignored it until I couldn’t any longer. So while among the hiking apparel I let a little teeny weeny fart escape, really quite unnoticeable, but took some stress away.

I guess it wasn’t so teeny weeny to people with hearing in the normal ranges as my wife shook her head saying “That was much louder than you heard. Everyone heard it.” “No shit shay shu? I thought it was really quiet. At least they were wearing a mask over their noses,” shay I. “It didn’t help,” shay she.

My new hearing aids should be coming in early next week.